In this case, it can be a game changer!
What if I told you the actions of one person could stop a bully in their tracks more than half the time? What if I told you this one person could help eradicate or at the very least, greatly decrease the act of bullying? What If I told you that this one person could be you or your child?
FACT: Peers are present as onlookers or bystanders in 87% of bullying interactions and play a central role.
Research has shown, when upstanders intervene or interrupt, the bullying behavior stops within 10 seconds, 57% of the time.
Read that one more time.
What is an Upstander?
Perhaps we are all somewhat familiar with the terms bully, victim and bystander (please see footnote below for actual definition). However, today I would like to introduce you to a word that only became approved in the Oxford Dictionary in 2016. That word is UPSTANDER.
The term upstander was first used by Samantha Power in 2002, an American journalist, diplomat and government official. In 2015, two young women in high school petitioned to have the word added to the Oxford Dictionary. They were working on an anti-bullying campaign for their school and recognized the potential impact of this one word.
Let’s start with the definition.
According to the Oxford Dictionary, an upstander is a person who speaks or acts in support of an individual or cause, particularly someone who intervenes on behalf of a person being attacked or bullied.
In other words, an upstander does something about a problem, such as bullying, and is someone who takes action!
Upstanders make a choice to act, even when it is not convenient or easy. Upstanders exist in classrooms, the playground, a sports team and the workplace. The problem is, there aren’t enough of them.
How is an Upstander different than a Bystander?
It is likely that all of us have been in a situation where we have witnessed someone being bullied. There are typically three ways we respond: stay quiet and do nothing, reinforce the actions of the bully by actively joining in or supporting the bully’s actions, or take action in support of the victim. The first two are examples of a bystander, and the third is an example of an upstander.
It is easier to be a bystander. Why choose to be an upstander?
- A bully loves an audience and when an upstander takes action, their audience disappears.
- Research has shown that when one person steps up, others follow. Upstanders empower and motivate other witnesses to step in and stop the bullying, and further reduces their audience.
- When a victim feels supported, it reduces the short- and long-term effects of trauma.
- Although it can feel scary, being a positive influence during a bullying episode feels good!
- In 85% of bullying cases, there is no adult present, so when an upstander takes action, it sends the message that bullying is not acceptable amongst their peers and something will be done about it.
Evidence shows that the #1 reason kids don’t come forward is because there is a code of silence that doesn’t allow them to. No one wants to be known as the “snitch”. Adults don’t always create an environment where it feels safe for a child to speak up. Sometimes the adult is not equipped to handle the situation and makes the situation worse.
How can you encourage your child to be an upstander and create a safe environment for them to speak up and be heard?
- Create a safe space and opportunity to talk, and more importantly listen to your child and their stories every day.
- Talk about bullying and the difference between tattling, snitching and reporting. What does bullying look and sound like?
- Be a good role model – our little humans learn from watching and listening to us.
- Promote healthy anti-bullying habits early.
- Learn to recognize the signs if your child is bullying or being bullied.
- Role-play with your child and practice using an assertive voice. Research shows that most people who bully stop within 10 seconds when someone (either a victim or an upstander) tells the perpetrator to stop in a strong and powerful voice.
- Promote the idea of being an upstander!
Upstanders don’t just choose to take action when it comes to bullying. Upstanders are the ones who say good morning to their teachers, ask someone on the playground sitting alone to join in on their game, make sure everyone feels included in a group.
They are a human connector and protector. Right now, the world needs more human connectors and protectors. Anyone can choose to be an upstander.
There is no time like the present
Although we should all be focused on promoting an anti-bullying culture year-round in our homes, schools and community, start today and make 2024 the year you added one more upstander to the world.
Definition of Bullying
For a behavior that is as old as time, bullying is not well understood by most people. The definition of bullying is as follows. The repetitive, intentional hurting of one person or group by another person or group, where the relationship involves an imbalance of power.
Bullying can be physical, verbal or psychological. It can happen face-to-face or online, known as cyberbullying. People may be bullied for a number of reasons, some examples include physical appearance, race/ethnicity, gender, disability, religion, or sexual orientation.
Ulrica Jobe
Child and Family Counsellor, Parent Coach
For your free consultation, please email Ulrica at info@thegivingtreecentre.ca